i sort of wish i had some physical record of myself shovel
ing dirt on to my grandmother's body in its new wooden box
. the sound of dirt hitting wood from a few feet up is wor
thy of a picture or video at least. these are moments in m
y life i never even knew to expect. and i'm a little sad t
hat it will not be as much of a life-changing event as i w
onder if it should be.